The right obituary.

Never knew how the whole obituary thing actually worked. I have long enjoyed reading them. Weird, I know. My friends say I am like an old person. That is true in so many ways-  another story, another day. Well, the day we went to the FH to do the FH sorts of things, the guy who was helping us (went to school with buddy boy) started asking for the facts and so forth for the obit. Lovely. I have always hated how they say so and so died. It makes you wonder, WHAT FROM? HOW? Buddy Boy’s ended up being no different. I told them I would supply the picture for the paper. That is where we are heading today.

I figured I would use one of the pics from our wedding proofs since they were pretty much the most recent phots we had. I found my fav of the 2 of us and asked a friend to take it up to the paper. In all my anger and sadness, I decided I wanted them to run it as it was- both of us. I thought since we never got to put our marriage announcement and pic in the paper that this was the next best thing. I was pretty excited to see it actually. So, someone brings it up to me at the FH the first day (viewing). I was SO ticked… they had cropped me out entirely. Oh my. It was like a whole can of salt being poured into my bleeding open wound. Somehow someone took care of it and the next day the obit pic was changed to the one of us both. I felt better about it but still. I bet people probably thought I was off my rocker. Made perfect sense to me at the time and I don’t regret it now.

Oh the sadness.

Today is a new day

I have had a pretty rough go of it the last 4 days or so. Today though, the sun is shining and I have made a to-do list. Hopefully this will keep my mind busy and my attitude better.

I am not usually the kind of person that avoids calls and has to fake being me on the ones I accept.

I think I dreamed of him a few days ago and that sort of started the downward spiral. Well, that and playing some ‘us’ music. I haven’t listened to our song in ages and that didn’t affect me as much as another did. It is called Every Now and Then by Garth Brooks. I cried most the way to work and had to suck it up quick prior to going in. After that and being SO tired from work, I had just had it. I notice when I am tired and hungry I am the weakest and I don’t remember much of the loooong commute home that day. The next day I vented to some friends through email and of course they told me to call if I needed to talk- not such an easy task. One called me the following day to check on me and I just couldn’t answer. Same day my dad called though and of course I had to take that one (didn’t have much choice as FRU answered and brought the phone to me). He was shooting the breeze and I just didn’t have the patience for that but couldn’t exactly come out with it and let him know just how miserable I was feeling.

I think sleep helped. I felt better yesterday and today, so far, even more so. OH, part of the whole thing had to do with the aforementioned in-law situation. My MIL did eventually answer my email and although she didn’t address the specifics of what I said about my husband, she did welcome me to share with her at anytime. I might have to do that. I believe I will be visiting with them on Mother’s Day so I have that to look forward to. Subconsciously, knowing that things were okay with us seems to have helped me greatly.

As I usually seem to write about the past, it is strange to focus on current happenings. Grief is like that though. You don’t really ever get over it, get through it or get ‘closure’. It is more like an unending wave. Some days you are sitting on top, riding it out, catching glimpses of the sun and other days, you are stuck in an undertow getting dragged against rocks and drowning. May this current last awhile and leave me in a calmer sea.