indescribable

I can’t explain it.

Looking at pictures of you, still to this day, looking into your eyes…

It’s like looking at myself.

What?

Literally sitting here thinking of how I am going to title this entry, What?, when it suddenly hits me in the face and then I get it.

Two weeks in a row I have been to the cemetery. The first week I find a weed, about 3.5 ft. high, in the flower bed. Thanks, mom for looking in and taking care of stuff like you said you would. I digress. The second week I am armed with paint… fixed it yet again. Still can’t get the paint to stick to the laser-ed words which is ticking me off.

Anyway…

Last night I was sitting here at the computer playing a game. Not a game that would ever require any thought to be placed upon BB for any reason- when suddenly I felt him. I wish I could explain what that is like. It was almost like I smelled him though there really wasn’t a scent. It was so strong that I just sat there and focused on the feeling. Then, it was gone. My mind shifted and all was forgotten, well sort of because clearly I am thinking of it again and here is why.

A few hours ago I was upstairs reading my son a book before his nap. My baby was crying in another room and in a different room I heard a handle on a drawer flip down. I was sort of weirded out for a minute until I figured it was what it was. These handles aren’t the kind that easily do that sort of thing on their own…

So, as I am opening the blog to write all this and thinking about the title, I question why he would be coming around. History, all almost 9 years of it, has proved that either something is going to happen or it is a significant time. Well, DUH, it hit me like a ton of bricks that yes, today is 8/24 and in 2 days “we” will “celebrate” our anniversary.

Significant.

Well, Happy Anniversary to you, too. I love you more than you’ll ever know. Stick around some, won’t ya?

Things that make you wonder

This has been a tough few weeks for me. I haven’t been doing very well in regard to my anxiety level and what I now know was PMS related junk.

I haven’t had any of these sort of strange things happen to me in YEARS I would say but on Thursday night I got home from work and walked into my bedroom. As I was turning to do something, I heard a noise in the bathroom which I knew well to be the ends of the blind strings tapping together. When I glanced at them, they were still moving. I was shocked. The window was closed. No breeze in there. No one else in there but little old me. I told FRU to come and see and when I tried to hit them to repeat the noise, my tap made the whole blind move, not just the strings… hmph.

Fast forward to Saturday, I am mowing the remainder of our grass and it is threatening to rain. FRU is outside with me and baby. I feel a drop of rain on my neck. I question myself, was that rain? Just that one drop until several minutes later one falls just above my wedding rings on my right hand. Then another just above my lips and that is it. Later I asked FRU if it rained on him outside, he says no.

Since the beginning, I have always believed that my buddy boy is near me. I think he makes himself more known at certain times than others. I haven’t yet picked up on the pattern if there is one. Seemingly, I have plenty of time to figure it out and keep wondering.